EPIC--INTRO

A long time ago in a city not very far away, I had internet...Now, I have it again.

This will be daunting but I will break it up so lets begin...

A couple days ago.

On a black note, STILL NO FUCKING INTERNET AND I AM STARTING TO FEEL A BIT HOMICIDAL.

23October
5.45 pm arrived at home. No modem to be seen. Blood pressure just above normal. Called Iercom broadband service. Dealt with automated service. Blood pressure elevated but still at acceptable levels. Simpsons began at 6.00 pm, still on hold. Blood preasure approaching unacceptable level. Operator picked up phone 6.15 pm:

Operator- Iercom (blah blah blah) do you have a current account.

Me- Yes

Operator- How can I help.

Me- I ordered broadband service and was told on the 19th that it was activated on the 18th and that I should receive my modem the next day. I was wondering why I havn’t received it and where it might be?

Operator- Let me check your account…

(5 minutes pass, blood pressure elevating)

Operator- You should have received the modem on the 17th but it says here that no one was home to collect.

Me- Well nobody left a notice that they tried to deliver anything! Does your delivery service do that sort of thing? You know, leave a notice?

Operator- Yes, they should have…

Me- (Blood pressure at unacceptable level) What the fuck? Well, do you have to resend it?

Operator- It should still be at the local shipping office, Would you like your tracking number and the shippers contact phone?

Me- (thinking to self: Oh what the fuck do you think?) Yes.

Operator- (reads out numbers)

Me- Are they open still, can I call them today?

Operator- Sorry, they close at 5.30 pm

Me- (Blood pressure at unacceptable level and rising. I know the answeer to the question but I ask anyway) Well, are we going to be charged for the period that we havn’t been able to use the servioce?

Operator- Yes

Me- (Gasket pops) What?

Operator- But if you contact us when you receive the modem we will give you credit for your account for the period in question.

Me- (So I have to call you people again? Joy.) OK, fine…What about dial-up connection in the meantime? We have been trying to connect that way but to no avail. Does it cost extra?

Operator- You would have to contact our dial-up department and receive a number. I can give you their number but they are closed now and you will have to call tomorrow before 6. 00 pm.

Me- (Fuming and craving liquor) OK, but does this cost extra?

Operator- Yes, they charge by the hour.

Me- (Oh, for fuck’s sake! Did you think I wasn’t going to ask again or did you think I was joking about getting a lesser service with my broadband for free or are you just dim-witted when it comes to answering the questions of your customers?) No, never mind, thanks for your crime(quickly)I mean time.

I hate feeling fucked around. This is not the info my housemate received on Thursday when he called asking where the modem was. Further, when I drink I like to do it to relax not to keep myself from becoming homicidal. Oh, but I will have my internet soon, even if I have to squeeze from the neck of the iercom operator or his delivery personel…


24 October
God smiled.